Believing in yourself is the first step to success
The “12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children” was issued by the Houston, Texas, Police Department in a leaflet. They created this in the 1950’s, after they had made a study of juvenile delinquency.
- Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
- When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up “cuter phrases” that will blow off the top of your head later.
- Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him “decide for himself.”
- Avoid the use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
- Pick up everything he leaves lying around – books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.
- Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but don’t worry about his mind feasting on garbage.
- Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way, they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
- Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his. Why should he have things as tough as you did?
- Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
- Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
- When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him!”
- Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You’ll surely have it.
“Decálogo para formar delincuentes”, por Emilio Calatayud
1. Comience desde la infancia dando a su hijo todo lo que le pida, así crecerá convencido de que el mundo entero le pertenece.
2. No le dé ninguna educación espiritual. Espere que alcance la mayoría de edad para que pueda decidir libremente.
3. Cuando diga palabrotas, ríaselas. Esto le animará a hacer más cosas graciosas.
4. No le regañe nunca ni le diga que está mal algo de lo que hace. Podría crearle complejo de culpabilidad.
5. Ordene todo lo que él deja tirado: libros, zapatos, ropa, juguetes,… Hágaselo todo. Así se acostumbrará a cargar la responsabilidad sobre los demás.
6. Déjele leer todo lo que caiga en sus manos. Cuide de que sus platos, cubiertos y vasos estén esterilizados, pero no le importe que su mente se llene de basura.
7. Dispute y riña a menudo con su cónyuge en presencia del niño. Así no se sorprenderá ni le dolerá demasiado el día en que la familia quede destrozada para siempre.
8. Dele todo el dinero que quiera gastar. No vaya a sospechar que para disponer de dinero es necesario trabajar.
9. Satisfaga todos sus deseos, apetitos, comodidades y placeres. El sacrificio y la austeridad podrían producirle frustraciones.
10. Póngase de su parte en cualquier conflicto que tenga con sus profesores, vecinos, etc. Piense que todos ellos tienen prejuicios contra su hijo y que de verdad lo que quieren es fastidiarle.
Siga los pasos al pie de la letra, ¡pero luego no se asuste de los resultados!
This is a question that I often ask my students, especially those who have ongoing school problems, poor grades, violent attitudes, antisocial behavior, and frequent conflicts with their teachers, peers, and even parents.
The sad reality is that childhood ends very quickly; Before we think about it, we stop being children, we become teenagers and soon adults; with a family to maintain and the responsibility to guide and educate our own children.
Statistics show that when a student has academic and behavioral problems he hardly ever finishes his studies. On the contrary, he is rejected from the educational system even before completing High School.
Many problem students start being punished with “in-school suspension”, then sent to a problem student’s school like Lara Academy, and finally a juvenile detention center. This is the most direct route to jail. The vast majority of young people who are incarcerated are of black or Latino origin, and in their background, they have been conflicted students. Many parents and teachers forget that when a child behaves badly, it is because they feel bad. If we had this in mind, perhaps we could be more empathetic and understanding when a child with serious and recurring behavioral problems is in our family or in our classroom.
Many studies confirm that giving a student a suspension does more harm than good, accentuates behavioral problems, and leads to academic failure. Apparently, our government does not have the money to guide and rescue children who have problems, but to keep them in prison institutions. They even speak of a national trend and call it: “School-to-prison pipeline,” in which at the national level, students who are expelled from public schools fall directly into the criminal justice system.
How many of our students seek to bypass classes and their academic responsibilities, starting by skipping classes, thinking that punishing with “in-school suspension” is like having a vacation, a reward for their indiscipline and misbehavior. They do not realize the serious problem that their rebel, violent and antisocial behavior in school, in a few years will no longer be considered a prank, if not a crime. The first steps of a direct path to a correctional facility and then jail.
You can change, your future depends on what you do today. You have to make a conscious decision to change for the wellbeing of you and your family. If in the past, you have made these mistakes, leave them behind, don’t let them recur. Only you can change your life, no one else can do it for you. If you really want to achieve what you dreamed, start today.
“Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
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In past times we have talked about mothers who sacrifice everything so that their children can study.
Now I want to tell you that in my experience as a teacher, I have also had the opposite case that is dealing with parents who are in a way selfish, because they do not care so much about their children’s education, but that at this moment they will help you solve immediate problems.
Many times as a teacher I have found that parents of problem children do not care much about the academic performance of their children. Possibly thinking that they already have enough problems in their life and their work, so that they have to alter their daily routine because of the school problems of their children.
Generally all the students that I receive, arrive with shortages and deficiencies of previous years and for many years I have offered extra tutorials to them, free of charge and with no other purpose than to help them to prepare better in the subjects that I teach.
There are parents who thanks us and appreciate the fact that teachers are better preparing their children so they can take advantage of the future opportunities that life will give them. On the other hand, there are parents who see this as negative because their older children often take care of the younger siblings while the parents spend that time on other activities.
I’ll tell you about a problem I had years ago with a mother. Her daughter really came very ill prepared, although she was very capable. Very often I asked her to spend additional time in her studies, and she would tell me again and again that she could not do it. I called home and asked her mother to allow her to stay in extra class sessions. She was upset with me and told me that I had no right to occupy that time of her daughter, who already took away much time by forcing her to go to class. I insisted, “If your daughter does not prepare, she will not be able to finish her studies well, and she will soon drop out of school.” The mother’s response baffled me: “Do not focus on what you do not care about. It would be very good for my daughter not to go to school to take care of her brothers, and I could rest a little longer. ”
All parents are human beings, and as such we are not perfect. We all have defects and virtues; we have a mixture of selfishness, ignorance, improvisation, indifference and prejudices that affect our judgment and actions. Some children have to bear the memory of some erroneous paternal actions for the rest of their lives, which left them with resentments, traumas, grudges, fears, anguish and sadness.
There is a well-known psychological technique called “forgiveness therapy,” which psychologists use to erase the resentments their patients have toward other people. Sadly sometimes it is to their own parents, even deceased, to whom people have resentments. Let’s take care as parents not to make that mistake.
When you are parents always think about the welfare of your children. Everything you say and do, positive or negative, will really be your legacy to them.
“Anyone can have a child and call themselves a parent. A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants.” Anonymous
There are people who believe that intellectual ability is immutable (fixed intelligence). These people make self-reflections such as the following: “I am not sure I can do it? Maybe I do not have the talent needed”. Or: “What happens if I cannot? It will be a failure.” People will laugh at me because I could not achieve it. They will call me a looser”.
Personally, as a math teacher, many times I have heard phrases like the following: “ I’ve always been bad at math”;“ I’m scared, and I am sure I will fail the class”; “I can never approve math because I was not born for it”, No matter what I do, I will fail math”; or “You have to be very smart to approve math.” They are students who are considered defeated from the beginning, and therefore do not put all their effort to overcome their shortcomings and limitations.
The renowned Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, proposed more than 20 years ago the theory that we know as Growth Mindset, “the mentality of the possible”. People with a Growth Mindset think: “I can learn anything that I want to”, “I can always improve”, “Mistakes help me learn”, “I’m a problem solver”, “I never give up”, “I like to challenge myself”
She thinks that intelligence can be developed. It is a very simple theory that proposes that, if the student recognizes errors as normal, and accepts them as part of the learning process; if he understands that in every activity of life, perseverance and tenacity are required in order to learn new things, then the student will be successful in his studies and in life.
Developing a growth mindset with students creates in them a love of learning and a resilience. As teachers, we must foster in our students the development of a growth mentality. We must use positive reinforcement and let know to our students, as often as possible, that we know they can succeed. We must instill in our students that they can improve their academic performance as much as they wish and overcome all the future challenges of their lives.
Aristotle said, “You are what you repeatedly do.” Therefore, excellence ought to be a habit, not an act.
I remember when I was a kid that my dad bought me a bicycle, and he started teaching me how to use it. Since I was very young, in the first or second fall I tried to give up, and I did not even want to touch the bike. I remember that my dad told me: “just by practicing you will learn and then you will really enjoy it”. His words were really wise, among the best memories of my childhood were those years I spent enjoying riding the bicycle. Driving a bicycle is a skill that we have to build with attempts and failures with dedication and perseverance. The same happens with school learning. Nobody is born knowing everything. We really learn something new every day if we insist on doing it. Mastering any skill requires practice, perseverance and learning from mistakes.
If you’re going to do a job, do it right…Good enough isn’t good enough if it can be better, and better isn’t good enough if it can be best.
As a teacher, I have always believed that our mission transcends the task of simply transmitting knowledge, and calls upon us to give children the means to succeed in life. I also believe that we should not limit ourselves to teaching our students the standard curriculum in Math, Science, and English, but should also give them the tools to be effective parents themselves when the time comes.
Regrettably, no one teaches us how to be parents, and when the time comes, we often confront the challenge by improvising and learning on the job from our repeated mistakes. As parents, we often go to one extreme or the other: We become overprotective of our children or give them too little protection. This leads to some kids being shielded from all their responsibilities and being unable to do anything on their own, and others being left to fend for themselves in the absence of any supervision. Good parenting requires us to strike a balance between protecting them and letting them discover the world on their own.
One of the major problems that I have encountered as a teacher is that of overindulgent parents, who—in their desire to protect their children—keep them in their comfort zone; this ends up sabotaging their academic achievement. I know from experience that there are some parents who often do their children’s homework and other academic work because the youngsters are unable to understand the concepts in the work sent home by the teachers for further study. Worse still, since the teachers are under the impression that the students have already mastered the concepts, they do not schedule any further review of the topic. This does not help our students; it has the opposite effect because it encourages irresponsibility and deceit. These habits will, in the long run, end up hindering the chances of academic success.
Several research studies show that there is a link between overindulgent parents and deviant behaviors such as drug use, underage drinking, pregnant teens and affective disorders.
As teachers, we must contend with the myriad of excuses that parents give to explain why their children did not do their homework; some excuses are very creative, but most are very run-of-the-mill. Parents often make excuses to explain their children’s absence from class—such as medical appointments, family illness, unavoidable social gatherings, or death in the family. Parents should understand that by doing this they are not helping their children, on the contrary, they are hurting their children’s development. Every kid must learn to take responsibility for his own assignments.
Excuses are for losers
There is a proven recipe for success that I would like to share with you:
Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time. Arnold H. Glasow